“I have to work with them but they drive me mad!”

We inherit our relations, we create our friends, but work colleagues, business partners and employees are often thrust upon us (even if they seemed like the ‘perfect candidate’ when you hired them).  Hannah McNamara Managing Director of HRM Coaching in London suggests some humane ways to deal with those who you would normally cross the road to avoid.

You have probably been there.

If a certain car is missing from the car-park, your heart leaps and you arrive at work with an instant feel-good emotion. If it is there, you proceed with reluctance. It is not the car that influences your demeanour. It is the car’s owner who is the typical colleague from hell.

It needn’t be that way if you follow these few simple ways for dealing with tricky types.

It is difficult to change yourself, but it is a thousand times harder to change someone else. There is an easier option. You simply change your attitude towards that individual. Begin with an understanding of why your colleague behaves the way that they do. Begin with the knowledge that, although we all inhabit the same world, we each have a unique view of it. Your view may not be inferior or better than mine, it is just different.

For a few moments, see if you can get a handle on the way that your obnoxious colleague sees their reality.

Without becoming a mentor and advisor … don’t even think of going there … see if their behaviour is rooted in pain, domestic problems, insecurity, or whatever. Don’t allow them to weep on your shoulder but listen for clues that may help your understanding. Imagine them with this negative baggage in a black bin-liner that they drag around with them and that you choose to ignore.

If your colleague is a bully, then simply stand up to them by quietly and calmly telling them that you find their behaviour hurtful because….

That word ‘because’ is crucial as most individuals will accept reasons, even if they are too thick to appreciate the harm of their actions. If this approach fails, then promise that you will pursue the disciplinary options that are open to you.

Don’t make idle threats.

Make that promise and keep it! If someone threatens you, create a quick mental picture of them sitting on a toilet. You will ‘see’ them at their most vulnerable and their threats as the powerless. A bully is just a control freak with a self-confidence problem. Use a similar approach to ward off unwelcome sexual advances. Light-hearted flirting can be fun as long as you are in control. Humour is often a great way of letting someone know that they are getting towards your no-go limits. If that doesn’t work, then a verbal warning shot, including the word ‘harassment’ will probably make the office tart [of either gender] run for cover and desist. If flirtation progresses to bodily contact, crude language or invitations to intimacy, then you must act at once, using all the company procedures at your command.

So your colleague is lazy and leaves you the lion’s share of the work?

As far as you can, do your fair share and then stop. Explain what you are doing and why. Workplace politics are a minefield for the unwary. Do not enter the minefield. Let the politicians play their games but quietly ignore the gossip or manoeuvring as you do your own thing in your own way. Never allow a gossip to involve you in their scurrilous rumours.

Stay away from the washrooms or water cooler when the politician or gossip is there.

Beware of those who proudly proclaim, “I am not a gossip but …’ All of these people are in control of their behaviour and, in some way, seek to control you. You will find it useful to learn and develop your rapport building skills which will allow you to co-exist in harmony without becoming bosom buddies.

Then there are the unfortunate people who have a personal freshness, flatulence, or inappropriate scratching problem.

Here, I am afraid, you must just learn to put up with them until they seek appropriate professional advice. On the topic of professional advice, when you would like to learn more about rapport, about changing your attitude or, dealing with deep-rooted colleague problems, then have a chat with a coach who, I promise, will not exhibit any adverse behavioural tendencies.

To find a coach, call me, Hannah McNamara on 020 7939 9910 (+44 20 7939 9910)

Online Career Coaching goes live!

We are pleased to announce that our online career coaching course ‘Land That Job!’ went live today.

Using cutting-edge software, we are now able to offer an online version of our proven career coaching programme which is:

• Flexible - you login wherever and whenever suits you (at home, on the move or even on holiday!)
• Private - everything’s done through the secure, online system which means no one needs to know you’re working with a coach
• Affordable – career coaching is now available at a fraction of what you would pay for ‘live’ sessions

‘Land That Job!’ helps you to highlight your unique skills and experience, understand your personal brand and shine in interviews. It shows you what you need to include on your CV, how to tackle the toughest interview questions and how to use ‘insiders’ secret methods to find out about unadvertised vacancies.

You have the option of working with support from our online career mentors who will give you feedback and guidance on your search for a job and succeeding in interviews. These are all coaches and mentors who are experienced in helping people change roles or return to work after a break.

We are currently looking for beta-testers to go through the programme at a much reduced rate in exchange for feedback and testimonials, so if you or someone you know is looking to change jobs soon, please spread the word!

Find out more by clicking here

Career Coaching: Naked on the Career Ladder

It may sound uncomfortable, even slightly immoral and not something that you would do every day. Even so, to get into a job that you enjoy, you need to strip back the layers of other peoples’ expectations and get down to the basics of what makes you tick – with no hiding place, no blame and no excuses.

It has been said that, when you do the work that you enjoy, it is like being paid for having fun. Even if you deliberately chose your current job, it is quite possible that it has changed out of all recognition since then. You too will have changed your goals, interests and opinions as you matured.

So where are you now? And what can you do about it? If you could do absolutely anything to earn your living, what would it be? These are the types of question that your career coach will ask you, quite early on in your relationship.

Hannah McNamara of HRM Coaching Ltd says, ‘Career coaching can be done face-to-face or by telephone. Some clients come to us a result of redundancy and then realise that this apparent bad news was the best thing that ever happened to them. We have clients who are ready to escape the familiar rat race of office politics to do their own thing and develop their leisure interests and passions into their own business. Even a jet-set lifestyle that is the envy of many can begin to pall after the umpteenth long haul flight, the hundredth identical hotel room and the repeated promises to your significant other as you attempt to sustain a relationship’.

It is because of this very diversity of career situations that HRM was established with a network of trained and qualified professional coaches, each personally selected after rigorous screening, to ensure a perfect match between each client and their coach.

HRM Coaching offers you a free introductory discussion by telephone where your questions can be answered and your career needs assessed. Then, you will be offered a shortlist of coaches who are ready and willing to move you forward just as soon as you are ready.

Hannah McNamara Managing Director of HRM Coaching says, ‘It’s not our job to tell you what to do. In a series of simple questioning procedures we can ascertain your true goals, ambitions, interests and motivations.  You work with your coach to define actions that will move you ever closer to the perfect occupation. We are here to help you open up some amazing possibilities and to convert them into your reality’.

The first step is yours, the time is now and yes, you can keep your clothes on!

Call our friendly team now on 020 7939 9910 (+44 20 7939 9910) to arrange a time for a complimentary 20 minute discussion on how coaching works.

Soft Skills – what are they?

The term ‘Soft Skills’ is used to refer to an individual’s ability to connect with other people effectively. A measure of a person’s soft skills is their Emotional Intelligence Quotient or EQ.

A person’s soft skills become more important as their climb the organisational ladder and by the time they reach a senior management level, they are often more important than their technical skills.

The types of skills normally referred to as ‘soft skills’ include:

• Leadership skills
• Management skills
• Conflict management
• Establishing rapport
• Decision-making
• Problem-solving
• Time management
• Motivating others
• Communication skills
• Delegation
• Being strategic
• Office politics
• Personal impact

The list goes on.

For more senior personnel and executives who need to develop these skills, sending them on a course is not always appropriate and can occasionally undermine their status and self-esteem. An alternative is for them to work with an executive coach or mentor.

This allows them to work on their soft skills in a private environment away from the prying eyes of their staff and peers where they can practice, brainstorm and get the support they need.

© Copyright HRM Coaching Ltd

Related article: How to choose an Executive Coach

Influencing Skills: How to influence people

The issue of how to influence people often comes up when we are coaching our executive clients, with many people wanting to learn how to be more influential without knowing exactly what they mean by it.

Our usual approach is to find out what ‘being more influential’ looks, sounds and feels like to our clients; in other words, how will they know they are influencing others and being more persuasive?  Only then can we guide them further on how to influence people.  The reason is that the same term or set of words can have different meanings depending on the context or the culture in which the executive operates and we have to understand what influence means within that organisation.

Generally speaking, what our clients are talking about is their ability to guide the decision-making processes, gain allies and motivate people to behave in a particular way.

Once this is broken down into specific items or goals to be achieved, we work with our clients to develop a strategy – whether it’s for presenting effectively in a board meeting, gaining the support of their peers, persuading their teams of a particular course of action or not being walked over by a more dominant personality at work.

For executives, the challenge of being more influential can make or break their future career and so is a sensitive issue to talk about in public.  If this has been identified as a development need in an appraisal, executive coaching is an option well worth considering because training and development can be carried out in a private setting.

© Copyright HRM Coaching Ltd

Related article: How to choose an Executive Coach

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