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I have to work with them...but they drive me mad!
21 Mar 2005
We inherit our relations, we create our friends, but work colleagues are thrust upon us. Hannah McNamara suggests some humane ways to deal with those who you would normally cross the road to avoid.
You have probably been there. If a certain car is missing from the car-park, your heart leaps and you arrive at work with an instant feel-good emotion. If it is there, you proceed with reluctance.
It is not the car that influences your demeanour. It is the car's owner who is the typical colleague from hell. It needn't be that way if you follow these few simple ways for dealing with tricky types.
It is difficult to change yourself, but it is a thousand times harder to change someone else. There is an easier option. You simply change your attitude towards that individual.
Begin with an understanding of why your colleague behaves the way that they do. Begin with the knowledge that, although we all inhabit the same world, we each have a unique view of it. Your view may not be inferior or better than mine, it is just different. For a few moments, see if you can get a handle on the way that your obnoxious colleague sees their reality.
Without becoming a mentor and advisor ... don't even think of going there ... see if their behaviour is rooted in pain, domestic problems, insecurity, or whatever. Don't allow them to weep on your shoulder but listen for clues that may help your understanding. Imagine them with this negative baggage in a black bin-liner that they drag around with them and that you choose to ignore.
If your colleague is a bully, then simply stand up to them by quietly and calmly telling them that you find their behaviour hurtful because.... That word 'because' is crucial as most individuals will accept reasons, even if they are too thick to appreciate the harm of their actions. If this approach fails, then promise that you will pursue the disciplinary options that are open to you. Don't make idle threats. Make that promise and keep it! If someone threatens you, create a quick mental picture of them sitting on a toilet. You will 'see' them at their most vulnerable and their threats as the powerless. A bully is just a control freak with a self-confidence problem.
Use a similar approach to ward off unwelcome sexual advances. Light-hearted flirting can be fun as long as you are in control. Humour is often a great way of letting someone know that they are getting towards your no-go limits. If that doesn't work, then a verbal warning shot, including the word 'harassment' will probably make the office tart [of either gender] run for cover and desist. If flirtation progresses to bodily contact, crude language or invitations to intimacy, then you must act at once, using all the company procedures at your command.
So your colleague is lazy and leaves you the lion's share of the work? As far as you can, do your fair share and then stop. Explain what you are doing and why. If they don't follow your diligent example, raise the issue at a convenient meeting with your boss. Remain calm and discuss the facts rather than the personalities involved. At all costs avoid any tendency to blackmail or push the boss into a corner - far better to suggest a solution. Then you become part of the solution instead of the problem.
Workplace politics are a minefield for the unwary. Do not enter the minefield. Let the politicians play their games but quietly ignore the gossip or manoeuvring as you do your own thing in your own way. Never allow a gossip to involve you in their scurrilous rumours. Stay away from the washrooms or water cooler when the politician or gossip is there. Beware of those who proudly proclaim, "I am not a politician but ...'
All of these people are in control of their behaviour and, in some way, seek to control you. You will find it useful to learn and develop your rapport building skills which will allow you to co-exist in harmony without becoming bosom buddies.
Then there are the unfortunate people who have a personal freshness, flatulence, or inappropriate scratching problem. Here, I am afraid, you must just learn to put up with them until they seek appropriate professional advice.
On the topic of professional advice, when you would like to learn more about rapport, about changing your attitude or, dealing with deep-rooted colleague problems, then have a chat with a life coach who, I promise, will not exhibit any adverse behavioural tendencies. To find a coach, call me, Hannah on 020 8544 8024.
Contact details:
HRM Coaching Ltd, Highland House, 165 The Broadway, Wimbledon, London
SW19 1NE
E: hannah.mcnamara@hrmcoaching.com
W: www.hrmcoaching.com
T: 020 8544 8024
M: 07702 075421
