“I have to work with them but they drive me mad!”

We inherit our relations, we create our friends, but work colleagues, business partners and employees are often thrust upon us (even if they seemed like the ‘perfect candidate’ when you hired them).  Hannah McNamara Managing Director of HRM Coaching in London suggests some humane ways to deal with those who you would normally cross the road to avoid.

You have probably been there.

If a certain car is missing from the car-park, your heart leaps and you arrive at work with an instant feel-good emotion. If it is there, you proceed with reluctance. It is not the car that influences your demeanour. It is the car’s owner who is the typical colleague from hell.

It needn’t be that way if you follow these few simple ways for dealing with tricky types.

It is difficult to change yourself, but it is a thousand times harder to change someone else. There is an easier option. You simply change your attitude towards that individual. Begin with an understanding of why your colleague behaves the way that they do. Begin with the knowledge that, although we all inhabit the same world, we each have a unique view of it. Your view may not be inferior or better than mine, it is just different.

For a few moments, see if you can get a handle on the way that your obnoxious colleague sees their reality.

Without becoming a mentor and advisor … don’t even think of going there … see if their behaviour is rooted in pain, domestic problems, insecurity, or whatever. Don’t allow them to weep on your shoulder but listen for clues that may help your understanding. Imagine them with this negative baggage in a black bin-liner that they drag around with them and that you choose to ignore.

If your colleague is a bully, then simply stand up to them by quietly and calmly telling them that you find their behaviour hurtful because….

That word ‘because’ is crucial as most individuals will accept reasons, even if they are too thick to appreciate the harm of their actions. If this approach fails, then promise that you will pursue the disciplinary options that are open to you.

Don’t make idle threats.

Make that promise and keep it! If someone threatens you, create a quick mental picture of them sitting on a toilet. You will ‘see’ them at their most vulnerable and their threats as the powerless. A bully is just a control freak with a self-confidence problem. Use a similar approach to ward off unwelcome sexual advances. Light-hearted flirting can be fun as long as you are in control. Humour is often a great way of letting someone know that they are getting towards your no-go limits. If that doesn’t work, then a verbal warning shot, including the word ‘harassment’ will probably make the office tart [of either gender] run for cover and desist. If flirtation progresses to bodily contact, crude language or invitations to intimacy, then you must act at once, using all the company procedures at your command.

So your colleague is lazy and leaves you the lion’s share of the work?

As far as you can, do your fair share and then stop. Explain what you are doing and why. Workplace politics are a minefield for the unwary. Do not enter the minefield. Let the politicians play their games but quietly ignore the gossip or manoeuvring as you do your own thing in your own way. Never allow a gossip to involve you in their scurrilous rumours.

Stay away from the washrooms or water cooler when the politician or gossip is there.

Beware of those who proudly proclaim, “I am not a gossip but …’ All of these people are in control of their behaviour and, in some way, seek to control you. You will find it useful to learn and develop your rapport building skills which will allow you to co-exist in harmony without becoming bosom buddies.

Then there are the unfortunate people who have a personal freshness, flatulence, or inappropriate scratching problem.

Here, I am afraid, you must just learn to put up with them until they seek appropriate professional advice. On the topic of professional advice, when you would like to learn more about rapport, about changing your attitude or, dealing with deep-rooted colleague problems, then have a chat with a coach who, I promise, will not exhibit any adverse behavioural tendencies.

To find a coach, call me, Hannah McNamara on 020 7939 9910 (+44 20 7939 9910)

Soft Skills – what are they?

The term ‘Soft Skills’ is used to refer to an individual’s ability to connect with other people effectively. A measure of a person’s soft skills is their Emotional Intelligence Quotient or EQ.

A person’s soft skills become more important as their climb the organisational ladder and by the time they reach a senior management level, they are often more important than their technical skills.

The types of skills normally referred to as ‘soft skills’ include:

• Leadership skills
• Management skills
• Conflict management
• Establishing rapport
• Decision-making
• Problem-solving
• Time management
• Motivating others
• Communication skills
• Delegation
• Being strategic
• Office politics
• Personal impact

The list goes on.

For more senior personnel and executives who need to develop these skills, sending them on a course is not always appropriate and can occasionally undermine their status and self-esteem. An alternative is for them to work with an executive coach or mentor.

This allows them to work on their soft skills in a private environment away from the prying eyes of their staff and peers where they can practice, brainstorm and get the support they need.

© Copyright HRM Coaching Ltd

Related article: How to choose an Executive Coach

Influencing Skills: How to influence people

The issue of how to influence people often comes up when we are coaching our executive clients, with many people wanting to learn how to be more influential without knowing exactly what they mean by it.

Our usual approach is to find out what ‘being more influential’ looks, sounds and feels like to our clients; in other words, how will they know they are influencing others and being more persuasive?  Only then can we guide them further on how to influence people.  The reason is that the same term or set of words can have different meanings depending on the context or the culture in which the executive operates and we have to understand what influence means within that organisation.

Generally speaking, what our clients are talking about is their ability to guide the decision-making processes, gain allies and motivate people to behave in a particular way.

Once this is broken down into specific items or goals to be achieved, we work with our clients to develop a strategy – whether it’s for presenting effectively in a board meeting, gaining the support of their peers, persuading their teams of a particular course of action or not being walked over by a more dominant personality at work.

For executives, the challenge of being more influential can make or break their future career and so is a sensitive issue to talk about in public.  If this has been identified as a development need in an appraisal, executive coaching is an option well worth considering because training and development can be carried out in a private setting.

© Copyright HRM Coaching Ltd

Related article: How to choose an Executive Coach

How to Set Goals

It’s a dog eat dog world in the business arena, so directors and managers have to be tough, disciplined, and committed in order to succeed.  Not all managers and owners have the skills necessary to catapult their business to the next level.

Do you have goals but don’t know where to begin?  Do you need direction to see all the possibilities available to you?  Do you have trouble concentrating on what’s important to you?  Don’t stress.  This is where working with a coach can help you focus on setting priorities, managing time, and goal setting.

An executive coach or career coach can help lead you through the muck and mire to uncover what is preventing you from achieving the level of success you desire.  By developing a step-by-step plan, you can be on your way to achieving those goals that once were just words.  A coach will help you focus on achievement, action, transformation, performance, and creativity to produce more satisfying results.  Our coaches hold you accountable to your actions, listen to your ideas, and observe your behavior.  Then they will introduce options, provide you with momentum, and help you reach down and locate your lost inner resources and creativity.

The first thing a coach does is help you develop your goals.  What are your immediate needs?  Where do you want to be in ten years?  Goal setting is one of the engines that drives success.

Creating goals is not easy. Along with your coach, you need to examine what is important to you in your personal and professional life.  The five tips below can help you set realistic goals.

1. Create several short term goals that lead to the completion of long term goals.  To do this, set realistic weekly, monthly, and quarterly goals that inspire you.  These goals should be the precursor for your long-term goals.  Make your goals reachable.  There is nothing more disheartening than not being able to achieve your goals.
2. Set priorities.  Place your goals in order of importance.
3. Your goals must be clearly defined.  Make sure you specify exactly what your goal is and how you will achieve it.
4. Set a time frame for your goals.  Not setting a time frame can drag your goal out too long.  Put a time limit on when your goal should be complete.
5. Make sure your goal has meaning.  These goals reflect the core values of who you are and what your business is made of.

No matter how large or small your organisation is, there is always room for growth and improvement.  Many people are burnt out and tired of what they are doing.  A life or business coach can help you through this rough period and get you back on track by helping you develop meaningful goals.  If you want your business to perform at optimum levels, a executive coach or career coach from HRM Coaching can help.

To speak to one of our friendly team call 020 7939 9910 (+44 20 7939 9910) and ask about executive coaching and career coaching.

Lonely at the Top? Executive coaches can help

They say it’s lonely at the top and they’re not kidding are they? Executive Coaching company HRM Coaching in London has suggestions for senior personnel who are feeling isolated

As organisations seek to stay in operation during the recession, senior personnel are experiencing more pressure than ever before. They are being told to be a good leader, be strategic and keep the lines of communication open and at the same time act as a buffer between staff and the board, the banks and all the other stakeholders who have a view on what needs to happen.

While executives are seeking to motivate their staff and keep them engaged, who’s looking out for them?

Hannah McNamara, Managing Director of HRM Coaching in London says, “It’s a difficult situation because executives very rarely have anyone to talk to at their level who won’t have a vested interest in what they are saying. Even friends and family will either want to offer their pearls of wisdom, steer them towards what they think they should do or just change the subject. At times like these, executives are tasked with keeping up appearances while knowing what’s going on behind the scenes. And that’s not just when things are tough; it’s equally important for executives to take time to consider decisions made for the good of the organisation – jump the gun and talk to the wrong person too early in the process and you risk blowing a deal, having a PR disaster on your hands or giving the gossips something to talk about. Good executive coaches are able to act not only as mentors, but as a confidential sounding-board where executives can talk through their plans in private.”

Executive coaching isn’t only about having a space to talk.

Working with an executive coach has many other benefits such as its potential for one-to-one mentoring and training in leadership and management skills. For the most senior levels, attending the same training courses as their managers just isn’t appropriate. Executive coaching sessions can be tailored to the needs of the individual and provide much needed objective feedback on performance. Topics covered in coaching sessions can include everything from leadership skills and presentation skills, to communication and personal impact training.

Executives report that they find their time with their coach enormously helpful with typical comments like “It’s my me-time. If it wasn’t for my sessions, I wouldn’t take the time to sit and really think” to “The feedback is very useful – it’s been over 15 years since I was last formally appraised. The board members rarely comment on my performance as CEO other than to nod when things are completed to plan.”

Coaching programmes can last from a few sesions to on-going working relationships with their coach spanning years. the duration of programmes depends on the objectives. For example an executive may need short-term immediate help with presentation skills before an annual conference or they may want to work on the ‘softer skills’ such as being a better communicator, negotiator or simply being in more control of their own time.

It doesn’t have to be so lonely at the top. Executive coaches are there to help.

© HRM Coaching Ltd

For more information about Executive Coaching, call Hannah McNamara at HRM Coaching Ltd on 020 7939 9910 (+44 20 7939 9910) or contact us.

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